Guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people
Ok people the other day I met this awesome lady when I was out on the town and anyways later on we had this discussion and I told her the three truths that bind all of existence which was
1) Chuck Norris doesn't sleep he waits
2) Guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people
3) DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!
As you can see they are like the best ever truths, I mean when I heard of these truths I was so blown away and pumped up I tore my shirt off there on the spot and began to tear up my moms carpet. She got so pissed that me and dad had to ninja duel it out again but that's another story.
Anyways this lady I met.......hmm wait lets call her Cowgirl Ninja cause she lives in Calgary which is like full of cowboys and cow girls. Anyways this Cowgirl Ninja said my truths sucked in fact this is what she said exactly and I quote
"what was I saying on the phone, oh yeah that it would be much better if it was something about someone other than chuck Norris, seriously dude, who gives a fuck about chuck Norris, really, anyways, guess I'll talk to you tomorrow"
I MEAN WTF!!!!!!! She had even said LUCY LIU is better than chuck!!!!!!! Oh man writing this is getting me so pissed and pumped I am gonna headbutt the next person I hear breathing. Ok so anyways I figured out the only way to tell who would win would be like if I sat in the corner and like meditated on Chuck Norris and like sent him my love all the way down to my pee pee and then imagined him fighting Lucy Liu and then I could write about my vision and tell you who won.
So I figured I write it in like a movie script since they are both actors, well Chuck is a Hella ninja actor and Lucy Liu is a Pornstar/Diva/Hooker/Lawyer.
scene one:
Chuck is like standing out front of Ninja Dojo for Hooker Ninja's. Its like medieval Japanese style with like those crappy paper walls and stuff. Chuck is standing there out front like staring at the door way. This little blue bird flys down and like lands on Chucks shoulder and chirps a lot which is super annoying cause like Chuck has a hangover from the night before cause he was drinking is his trailer at the trailer park the night before and porking babes, he like looks at the bird and the bird explodes in like a puff of feathers. (that is how powerful chuck is)
In the back ground music you can like hear this flute which is like super annoying as well cause its like all off key, this music is to get the audience as pissed as Chuck is.
The front of the house slides open and then the flute music goes crazy and the camera zooms up on chuck's eyes which are all squinty. Sitting the door way is Lucy and she is like all semi naked and Uber hot, so hot that like a squirrel in a near by tree sees her and cracks a massive boner and begins to crack nuts by whacking them with his boner.
the camera zooms up on Lucy's mouth and then zooms up on each of her nipples and each time this happens the flute song like squeals. Chuck like slowly ties a bandana to his head then he like pulls out a guitar strapped to his back and like wails on his guitar to hard he pops a vein in his forrid and like blood spurts out, at his wailing a thousand ninja's come to chucks aid and like flip out and surround lucy.
Lucy runs to the center of the room in the dojo and like twirls around in wonder woman style and then she like appears in a white kimono. and like pulls out a sword which has a hello kitty bobble hanging from the hilt.
The flute music get crazy loud and like lucy then flips out and begins to slice and dice all the ninjas. Chuck just stands there out side and watches as she butches them all. Lucy is like standing in the middle of all these dead ninja's and then she strips off and is like wearing a white bikini.
The camera then zooms quickly to chucks eyes and Lucy's mouth and then they pork on the front door steps. Later on that day Chuck and Lucy got married and lived in the trailer park and had like lots of children with mullet hair cuts.
The End
Hmm that was my vision, so I guess like chuck and lucy cant beat each other cause Chuck really wants to pork her and Lucy wants to live in Chucks trailor.
(seriously writing in the way a 10 year old speaks seriously hurt my head I think I need a sleep and have a few stiff drinks)
PS: sorry don't have any pictures but this f-ing website is buggin so I cant upload any but I will add them at a later stage very soon :)
1) Chuck Norris doesn't sleep he waits
2) Guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people
3) DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!
As you can see they are like the best ever truths, I mean when I heard of these truths I was so blown away and pumped up I tore my shirt off there on the spot and began to tear up my moms carpet. She got so pissed that me and dad had to ninja duel it out again but that's another story.
Anyways this lady I met.......hmm wait lets call her Cowgirl Ninja cause she lives in Calgary which is like full of cowboys and cow girls. Anyways this Cowgirl Ninja said my truths sucked in fact this is what she said exactly and I quote
"what was I saying on the phone, oh yeah that it would be much better if it was something about someone other than chuck Norris, seriously dude, who gives a fuck about chuck Norris, really, anyways, guess I'll talk to you tomorrow"
I MEAN WTF!!!!!!! She had even said LUCY LIU is better than chuck!!!!!!! Oh man writing this is getting me so pissed and pumped I am gonna headbutt the next person I hear breathing. Ok so anyways I figured out the only way to tell who would win would be like if I sat in the corner and like meditated on Chuck Norris and like sent him my love all the way down to my pee pee and then imagined him fighting Lucy Liu and then I could write about my vision and tell you who won.
So I figured I write it in like a movie script since they are both actors, well Chuck is a Hella ninja actor and Lucy Liu is a Pornstar/Diva/Hooker/Lawyer.
scene one:
Chuck is like standing out front of Ninja Dojo for Hooker Ninja's. Its like medieval Japanese style with like those crappy paper walls and stuff. Chuck is standing there out front like staring at the door way. This little blue bird flys down and like lands on Chucks shoulder and chirps a lot which is super annoying cause like Chuck has a hangover from the night before cause he was drinking is his trailer at the trailer park the night before and porking babes, he like looks at the bird and the bird explodes in like a puff of feathers. (that is how powerful chuck is)
In the back ground music you can like hear this flute which is like super annoying as well cause its like all off key, this music is to get the audience as pissed as Chuck is.
The front of the house slides open and then the flute music goes crazy and the camera zooms up on chuck's eyes which are all squinty. Sitting the door way is Lucy and she is like all semi naked and Uber hot, so hot that like a squirrel in a near by tree sees her and cracks a massive boner and begins to crack nuts by whacking them with his boner.
the camera zooms up on Lucy's mouth and then zooms up on each of her nipples and each time this happens the flute song like squeals. Chuck like slowly ties a bandana to his head then he like pulls out a guitar strapped to his back and like wails on his guitar to hard he pops a vein in his forrid and like blood spurts out, at his wailing a thousand ninja's come to chucks aid and like flip out and surround lucy.
Lucy runs to the center of the room in the dojo and like twirls around in wonder woman style and then she like appears in a white kimono. and like pulls out a sword which has a hello kitty bobble hanging from the hilt.
The flute music get crazy loud and like lucy then flips out and begins to slice and dice all the ninjas. Chuck just stands there out side and watches as she butches them all. Lucy is like standing in the middle of all these dead ninja's and then she strips off and is like wearing a white bikini.
The camera then zooms quickly to chucks eyes and Lucy's mouth and then they pork on the front door steps. Later on that day Chuck and Lucy got married and lived in the trailer park and had like lots of children with mullet hair cuts.
The End
Hmm that was my vision, so I guess like chuck and lucy cant beat each other cause Chuck really wants to pork her and Lucy wants to live in Chucks trailor.
(seriously writing in the way a 10 year old speaks seriously hurt my head I think I need a sleep and have a few stiff drinks)
PS: sorry don't have any pictures but this f-ing website is buggin so I cant upload any but I will add them at a later stage very soon :)
posted by Baron Ben at 12:16 PM
2 Comments:
Dude, I hear you. Chuck Norris is a champion. I sugest you check out his personal site at:
http://www.chucknorris.com/
or the very interesting wikipedia entry on him at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_norris
Thanks for the laughs, Benny Boy!
hmmmmm, you are severely unbalanced, have i ever mentioned that? and the whole cowgirl ninja shit is played out like kill bill 3 before it ever comes out. i appreciate the mention though.... full marks for artistic expression. by the way, your mom called, she said to put on a sweater cuz it's cold outside
*%angelie%*
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