American Express and 1 Ninja Vs 101 Dobermans

SO first off I'd like to thank my Mother for Encouraging my father to activate my god dam new American Express card so I can buy my plane ticket with it and leave this f-ing place.
You see my Father seems to find me having misery a kind of funny thing, and my friends by no means is this a new thing, this has been a burden I have carried with me all my life.
Now I often get asked this question by a lot of people
"Benjamin you are a way sweet Snow Ninja! How did you train yourself to be able to handle extreme weather conditions and dodge bullets and run so fast and still look dead sexy doing it"
Well I must give credit were credit is due, it was because of my fathers cruelty when I was younger. You see when I lived at home I had my own bedroom then one day my FATHER decided that he needed an office and well I have 2 other sisters and I'll give you a guess as to who was the one who lost there room and was forced into a hut in the back yard.
(This pic was taken of my hut when a Jehovah whiteness came and visited. I upper cut him and proceeded to bash his nuts in with my bo-staff for a good half hour)
that's right it was your truly. Now Even though I am a snow ninja it was not always so that I lived in the snow you see I grew up in the tropics of Queensland were we have extreme heat and humidity. Back then I was a jungle ninja. See in a hut were I come from it gets hot and I mean really really hot and you cant like sleep past 6 am before the hut heats up and you roast alive and spiders lay eggs in your mouth. Now because of this torture I now have the ability to withstand extreme weather conditions and I now sleep with my mouth closed so spiders can't get in. This cruelty is only one aspect of my fathers torture.
His next stage of torture was to let his pack of wild Dobermans into the back yard as I had to get from my hut and into the house to have breakfast.

(This is one of my fathers dogs, it's name was little Lucifer. It hated me with an unholy passion and my father had taught it that the best meat on a human was to be found in the Arse, head of the penis, scrotum, armpit and throat. These soon became the dogs favorite areas to attack.)

What my father would do is he would wait by the door in the back yard, he was waiting to see when I woke so he could put his morning amusement into action. The dogs would be circling my hut like a pack of sharks I would have to distract the dogs with a smoke bomb or a grenade and run like hell for the door before they could recover. It was because of this I learnt to run at the SPEED OF LIGHT. (The speed of light is like quicker than the Flash and Superman combined and that's really fast)
As I would dash for the door my father would be standing at its entrance laughing hysterically and just as I was inches from the door my father would slide the glass door closed and laugh even louder. He would watch me as I was forced to turn and face his 101 Dobermans as they recovered form the smoke bomb and grenades. The dogs were sadistic as there master and they would all grab hold of different areas of my scrotum and drag me around the back yard by my balls for hours on end and at the same time they would be getting my clothes dirty.

(This is a pic of my father training a dog not to attack the arm but to go for the balls instead. He would wack them with a stick until they got it right)
I knew that I would have to one day defeat my father and his dogs so to do this I thought I should train a pet of my own. One that was a natural enemy of the Dog ,one that had ninja like reflexes. An animal so cute that women would want to touch me because I owned such a cute pet......... I needed an assassin CAT!

This is my cat his name is Tinkle but don't be surprised by his cute looks he is a cold blooded killer. (This pic is of him taking out a pack of guard dogs for training purposes) He was able to kill my fathers dogs but in retaliation my father put a bomb under my hut and tired to explode me but I sensed it and diffused it and my father and I dueld it out while my cat killed some random Sunday church goers. He is now serving 25 years for 3 counts of first degree murder
Mom made us stop fighting and cooked us chicken dinner which my dad tried to lace my food with rat poison. I ate it and lived cause thats just how tough I am.

(This is father and I dueling it out ninja style)






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EVERY TIME YOU MASTURBATE A NINJA CHOPS THE HEAD OFF A KITTEN AND DOSEN'T EVEN CARE!



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