2 Snow Ninja's Vs Japanese English Student Gang

OK first off I would like to thank the Gentlemen in the leadership group I served last night. They were great fun and tipped me VERY VERY WELL!
With this new money I shall now be able to buy lots of new Ninja gear or a plane ticket home. Not sure which yet. Now here at my work we get all kinds of people in the conferences that come here, some are cool and yet some are so lame it makes me want to make love to a cheese grater.
Some are very giving and yet some are so tight that if I shoved coal up there arse it would come out as diamonds or maybe I'd just get poo covered coal. Now some of our guests are quiet and undemanding and yet some like the picture above are a pack of freaking annoying pack of Teenage Japanese English Students who are all wanna be Triad gangsters.
Now my story begins one morning as I'm leaving my staff accommodation to go to Sunshine Village Ski resort so I can practice my Snowboarding Ninja ways when as I walk down to the staff cafe, to get breakfast before I leave, I heard the faint murmuring of my most hated Enemy next to Pirates. I HEAR TEENAGERS!!! Lots of teenagers talking crap, but something was very wrong, it was crap I could not understand it was in JAPANEESEY. As I walked down the stars I was engulfed by a wave of them, there were hundreds of them and all were armed with Hello Kitty diary's and I-Pods. I ran through he crowed screaming with total terror as I was swarmed by them as they made there way to the Buffet to get Eggs and Bacon. I was getting stuck in the crowed of them, I could feel the unholy essence of Hello Kitty.

With the touch of this unholy essence I could feel my ninja training kick into gear and I cracked a BONER but this boner was mean and it was black and it wanted DEATH TO ALL. SO I took my snowboarded and began to wave it around in a fury and the Jap Teens began to get sliced in half and I was like spinning around like a friggin magic bullet dicer on those infomercial you see like when you come home late at night after a night with your friend's mom. So anyways I then decided to like get the fuck out of there cause I was slipping on blood and eggs and bacon. So I like jump into the air and flew over the crowed and down the corridor then landed on the other side and like stood down the end of a corridor and looked at them. They stood there at the other end and like gave me the eye. NO ONE GIVES ME THE EYE!
So seeing so many I thought that I could use some help so I made a secret whistle sound and like before I knew it I saw Shawn explode through the wall next to me and he stood at my side armed with a pair of Drum Sticks. I was like "Shawn WTF your a West Side Ninja your only meant to play with a Triangle or a Piccolo or a Tambourine." and Shawn was like "Your MOMMA" and I was like so blown away with his Tibbenten logic that I wet my self. THAT IS HOW DEEP SHAWN IS! He makes like Einstein look like a spaz.
This is Me and Shawn as I take out my Guitar and we prepare our selves to wail on these Jap Students. So we stand there like in a showdown and this like pump up music begins to play in the background. The students at the other end begin to like yell waving there hello kitty diary's in the air and the others like begin to put on the I-pods and then like break out in doing the Robot. Shawn and I stood there and we matched there robot dancing by me and Shawn linking hands and we did the wave.
The Students saw our defiance and were like getting really pissed so they started pulling out the pages of there hello kitty diary's and they were throwing them at us like ninja stars and they were like giving us WAY BAD paper cuts. I was like "OOOOWWWWWWWw that hurts" and Shawn was like screaming "YOUR MOMMA" and then like some of the students who were to dumb to understand his logic, had there heads explode and the other halved passed wind. With a huge battle cry the students charged down the corridor at us and like a pack of wild poodle's. I wailed on my guitar like a hair metal band from the 80's.
Shawn swung his drum sticks around like he was having convolutions and was like popping peoples eyes out. My guitar solo was so good like the devil heard me and was like "By the horns of a Vikings helmet! That is some sweet tunes" He was so impressed with my wailing that he possessed me and made me so uber that Shawn was like touching himself in between popping student eyes. This is me transforming into Uber Snow NINJA from HELL!!!

I was like "HELL YEAH" and with that I began to bite the heads of the students and then Shawn did his hands so the looked like pistols and began to shoot bolts of hot love into there eyes. They all died horribly and we like did the moon walk in celebration and the robot and then some Hot Babe Pirates that Shawn had met in a brothel came to us and we porked on the Buffet line....................................hmmm I may be stretching the truth a little but well there were just like a lot of students here, they were very polite and really wanted to sleep with there hot teacher but it was hard to walk through them but I did and got some breakfast and juice.............I hate hello kitty.

Shawn and me


The END

Friggin Tight Arse WEATHER MEN

OK see this pic this pic is of a tip jar. kinda looks like my tip jar but the biggest difference this week is take out the notes and put in a few rolls of 1 cent Canadian pennies and a couple of 10 cent Euro coins.
Now people I'm not a greedy man by anymeans but I tell you the next European Weather man who is a conference guest were I work is gonna get my Boot fairly lodged up his arse if he gives me another god dam penny for a tip. IF your that broke don't tip in fact if your that BROKE just don't fucking go out at ALL.
But the thing that really pisses me off is WTF am I supposed to do with two 10 cent Euro coins. Its not like I can cash them in or anything. You mite as well be throwing in bottle caps in my jar cause there with about the same.
what's even worse about these bastards is there are several of them that are RUDE wankers. So rude in fact that a fellow bartender wants to give away his shift for this group cause he tells me the last bar he did for them he got the feeling that they were treating him as a piece of crap cause of his color. I told my fellow co-worker that it has nothing to do with his race as they treat EVERYONE like a piece of crap.
This one tight bastard wanted to know how much he would have been charged for his wine if he had paid for his drink after happy hour. So at this question I was completely over his tight arseness, I take the wine back off him I had just handed him then proceeded to tea bag his glass of wine.

(Tea Bagging is were you take your scrotum and dunk them into an object, usually some girl you picked up or your girlfriend but it can also be done to a crack whore, a pet dog or a beverage but I recommend you not do it with a hot beverage as minor burns are a nasty side effect.)

So here I am tea baggin his wine then I leap onto the bar and force the wine down his mouth. Then his fellow weather men see what I'm doing to him and they are like What The Fuck and started to throw poisoned edged pennies at me and I was like Yeah right and I caught them all in my tip jar and hurled the jar to one of the weather men's head and it exploded his head with a splooshing sound.
Then the other two men that were left I then pulled out a ninja sword and proceeded to slice them apart into tiny bits then I fed the bits of them to chipmunks. I then wailed on my guitar so loud that everyone got an erection, even the women! And then the chipmunks exploded making a squeaking sound.............Fucking weather men.

The End

GOD DAM YOU HOO DOO!!!

So I'm sitting in my staff dining room just eating the same old crap and talking the same old smack to all my mates and I get this invite off some Frenchies (French Canadians) to go out and have some drinks down at Hoo Doo nite club so ummed and ahhed for awhile then I said WTF why not but I felt this little seed of foreboding in the pit of my stomach but I promtly let out a squeaky fart and that little feeling left. So anyways the nite drifts on and I'm in my bedroom with my mates Shawn and Matt drinking Kokanee Beer, they are fellow snow ninja's, and I start getting the buzz so we head out to a place called Mellissa's, it's a kind of puby eaty sort of place.
So we walk to the top of the stairs and a chain is drawn across half way so it blocked us off but there was no bouncer there he was further in watching the people in the pub. So I jump the frence and tap him on the shoulder and said is it all right if we come in and his reply was "get back behind the fuckin chain asshole" Now at this comment I was fully ready to unleash the inner snow ninja across the back of his head but anyways as much as I feel violent I rarely ever get that way, So I turn around and jump back over the chain and wait......................And wait and wait.
Now this pub isn't even full so I assume he was just trying to some how teach me a lesson BUT little did he know me being a ninja I can like stand one footed on a power line balancing and wail on a guitar like Hendrix for like a 1000 years. So eventually the short tubby FUCKtard of a bouncer decides to let us in and then this asshole askes for my ID. I mean WTF is with that IM FRIGGIN 30 and haven't been asked to show my idea for years.
So once again he throws a final dig at me so I raise my hands in the air and ROAR and then I pulled out my hidden dagger and pierced both of his nuts and then wailed REALLY REALLY hard on my guitar, I wailed so hard I popped a vein in my forrid and Matt and Shawn were caught in my aura which made them HOT by association and then they porked some babes on the bar.........Oh wait that didn't happen he looked at my ID and let me in. (oooooooh THAT FUCKING FUCKER)
Anyways Mellissa's sucked, the only reason we had to go there was Shawn wanted to try and pork some chick there he had met at a bus station. He didn't find her.
Anyways we left and went on down to the Hoo Doo and well it was so packed it was just crazy. I drank 2 beers there and well over the period of an hour I was there I think I only drunk about half out of each glass as I was getting budged so often that beer was just flying out of my glass. THIS was the final straw for me I was bloody OVER it so was Matty so we left. I find out later on off Shawn that he went out side to meditate and have a smoke and the GOD dam bouncer there wouldn't let him back in side unless he paid him 5 Bucks. Shawn had the stamp on his hands and had already paid 5 bucks to the lady inside the booth. This prick just wanted to make himself 5 bucks..............................God im over Banff can't wait to go home

This is Shawn in his West Side Snow NINJA Mode, Notice he wears the X ring this is a sub branch of Ninjas that have laid down there Guitars and now play the Triangle, piccolo and tambourine. West Side Snow Ninjas come from Tibbet and can shoot bolts of Hot Love and Daisy chains out from there fingers

Turned 30 but I still have all my Ninja powers

OK this is my last post today as I'm now getting dirty looks off the staff that run this place that I'm using there computer at. I have a confession while I was in Canada I Turned 30!!!!!!! OMFG!! But to be honest its kinda sweet I feel the same and this age thing we do by putting a friggin number onto a journey through life is kinda silly I mean WTF is 30 and what is 29, all I can tell is as the number in your life gets higher you seem to understand life a bit better and that seems to be about it.
Anyways this is me getting drunk with some mates that I work with. The pub I'm in is the Banff Center Pub called Props Pub it's also my place of work. Yes you guessed it I'm ANOTHER AUSSIE BARTENDER. The only reason I'm doing it though is cause in this crazy place I call Canada people feel the need to give me a dollar or sometimes even more every time they buy a drink from me. YAY ME. Oh this look of intense concentration I have on my face is because I'm trying to blow a persons mind with my NINJA mind powers or I'm getting punchy drunk cause some bastard just took half of my jug of beer, im not sure wich.

Learning WTF a blog is and Snow NINJAS

Sweet i have now learnt WTF a blog is and now i have also learnt how to upload images!!!!!!!!!!! Friggin SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET. Wooooa im getting kinda pumped. I need to calm down a little. BTW when the Slopes get to -20 degrees i break out into full Snow Ninja mode as you can see.

Craziness in Canada

Well boys and girls this is my first blog. I'm still not even sure WTF is a blog but well I have one now. I have been living in the Canadian Rockies now for about a year and well its boring the tits off me. I mean don't get me wrong the snowboarding with broken ribs is great and so is the drinking and the tarty women but to tell you the truth after a year of it ya kinda get the shits with it.
I'm ready to come back home and get a plan together put into action a few plans I have on the go. One of these plans is to go back home and get my mate Krisy G to explain to me WTF is a blog as his website made me get one some how after I pressed some buttons randomly then got frustrated and palmed the key board ninja style. BTW I think ninjas are SWEET!. hmm wait a sec I need to see if this message I'm writing is working I mean I don't want to be writing this crap to find out it didn't even work. That would make me so pumped id take out the chipmunk that is scampering out my window right now with a pair of nun-chucks. Ok I'm gonna test it be right back!